Suburgatory: Friendship Fish

George and Dallas: George is getting made over by Dallas. He is wearing sweaters around his neck and pink shirts and gardening hats like Sheila Shay. All is well with the world, until his New York buddies come and heckled him. He offers them diet grapefruit spritzers. He then takes them for lunch at the club and they make fun of Dallas. This is where he draws the line. He tells them that he has changed and he is happy. And he tries to take their job from them in Scarsdale. Dallas even helps by making more bathrooms and bedazzling. He does not get the job, but neither do they.

Tessa and Lisa: Tessa is so involved with her tablet. It has commercials everywhere and I actually love it with the click on keyboard. But since her breakup with Malik (Leopard scrunchie!) she has been on Tessa. Malik wants to get back together and is sculpting heads of her out of clay. Lisa brings over her sleepover trunk and they do arts and crafts projects, including watermelon helmets. She then brings out the friendship fish that she has been smoking for 4 weeks in her closet. Tessa refuses to eat it and calls pretending to be Fire Marshall Charmin. This gets Lisa community service and Tessa admits it was her. They take a bite and she gets violent food poisoning. George misses her calls from the hospital so her grandmother picks her up which he is not happy about.

Suburgatory: Thanksgiving

This year Tessa wants to spend it with her mother she has never met and her grandma in New York. When she gets there, her mother is absent and she waits around with her grandma. She goes back home instead.

Meanwhile, Dallas and Dahlia were going to do a whole rasta theme with Chef Alan for theirs (Rex Lee's hubby) but now that George is sad, she wants them to cook together. She invites chef Alan and Mr. Wolf, along with Dahlia and Noah to thanksgiving. They don't cook, because George doesn't know how. Instead, Chef Alan does. Tessa's mother shows up at the door (played by Malin Ackerman) and is so spacey. She lies on the floor and then meets Tessa for the first time (after mistaking Dahlia for her). Dahlia describes Tessa as a man and Dallas talks about her pushing rock, hahah. Tessa and her mother bond and George listens to them giggle outside her room.

At the shay house Malik is getting along well with Sheila. She keeps referring to him with all the famous black men she knows. Lisa is not happy about this. Sheila catches Malik in the shower naked. They stare into each other's eyes and then make jokes about it, which prompts Lisa to be upset. She basically breaks up with Malik and he calls her selfish. She goes to the bathroom to cry it out and finds the wishbone from Ryan there for her. So Sweet!

Suburgatory: The Foam Finger

Dallas & George: All they have done so far is kiss. Every time he kisses her, she gets crazy and says best ever with a foam finger. She also put on a whole song and dance number for him to get him into bed. He literally had to cut her down from the ceiling. Then in her spinning class she spreads it like wildfire that George is the best lover ever and it gets back to the boys in the locker room. After they tell the girls they are together, he tells her to cut it out. He doesn't need a foam finger or her to lie, he just wants her. They finally do it regular style.

The KKK & Lisa: Dahlia is done with the three K girls and they need someone to follow. They latch on to Lisa and she compares them to dog sitting Golden doodles. She finally has had enough of them and pawns them back to Dahlia as they sleep on her floor.

Dahlia & Tessa: Dahlia's father is getting remarried to an Asian woman named Wa'ner and Dahlia loves everything about her. She said that's her BFF and they are LOLing and some other funny Dahlia shit. She says she is going to be the maid of honor in their wedding and then move out to Singapore to live with them. She even dies her her brown to look like her new MIL. Tessa is worried about her and eavesdrops on Dahlia speaking to Wa'ner via Skype. Turns out they eloped and Dahlia is crushed. Dahlia decides to succumb to nerdy Evan's request of being his magician's assistant in a show. She is about to, when Tessa breaks it up. She dies her hair back blonde. Then we see Evan and Dahlia talking about how their relationship wont work, because she is a shiksa (non jew), hysterical. In the credit clips, Dahlia is practicing her Torah, classic!

Suburgatory: Dallas and George

Dallas & George....

Dallas and George are going on their first date. Dallas is getting ready with Dahlia and she is so nervous. Dahlia goes into this one long sentence with no breaths about how she has dated smarter, richer, buffer guys before (and a few other random funny things) I swear I heart DAHLIA. He comes over to get her and she makes an entrance with smoke and outfit changes. She has a jacket made of pony eyelash (don't worry it didn't hurt animals since they were collected off the floor, ahaha). She doesn't like his idea of where to go, so she suggests a fancy place. When they get there, her life coach Tabitha is invited. He is so annoying and puts his hands all over the bread basket. The date is a disaster and they end up in the rain, with her makeup running and he tells her this is when he likes her the most, all messed up. They kiss and I love them together!

Ryan & Tessa......

Lisa has been extra nice to Ryan lately, afraid if he knows the truth about his adoption, he will leave the family. She gives him the boot at monopoly, her room and then he asks for Tessa. She calls up Tessa and she is babysitting Noah's child. Noah is taking his made Carmen out to the opera and she brings him a sandwich, a pickle, a juice box. He is in heaven! The problem is, she has never babysat before and the alarm system is down. She is scared when the power goes out and asks Ryan to come over. He runs there in the rain and she almost kisses him, but he is so focused on himself. Then he helps with the baby and she is attracted to him. She kisses him on the lips and he says no tongue, but is happy. He goes home to tell his new favorite sister and is just happy.

Suburgatory: Halloween Episode

It's Halloween again in Chatswin and I am so excited! Tessa, who has made home in the bathroom stall, hears the girls talking about being slutty skunks and rebels. She doesn't understand why they wont be real women and not strippers. She keeps getting followed until she reaches the library and a book falls into her lap. When studying at Lisa's, Sheila Shay sees the book and knows its the work of the "Witch of East Chatswin". Who? Paula. Some girl who opened her pudding cup, hung her Holly Hobby doll up and took shop, not Home Ec. Another feminist like Tessa. Sheila burns the book and her husband says "Last book you burned was Belly Laughs". Funny enough, because I read that book and I actually LOVED it. Tessa sees this Paula in her black robe over a cauldron and runs away from them off to the Halloween dance.

Meanwhile, Dallas is getting fit for her Barbie costume and tells her seamstress she is finally going to ask out George. He comes in to fix a light "thingy" and she asks him to be her Ken. He turns it down, but because he is going as Noah. He tans, bleaches his teeth, wears pink and shaves his facial hair. Noah dresses as him with a beard and a flannel shirt. They show up at the club and they are super nice to George and kick out Noah. Dallas walks in as Barbie with Dahlia as her skipper. Not enough Dahlia this episode. She tells George that her mother wanted him to be HER KEN, not just KEN, but HERKEN. She gets a vodka/cranberry and says its because she has a UTI, she then pukes it up. George asks Dallas on a real date and she accepts. I was SOOO happy!

Lisa is dresses and Velma and Malik (finally appears) as Fred, but Ryan Shay dressed as Fred as well, while Tessa, who is dressed as Daphne, is missing. She is in the hallway with Paula as Sheila and the rest of the Chatswin people are chasing her with torches. She is just a feminist and wanted Sheila to stand up for herself. Tessa shuts the lights and allows Paula to escape and keeps her cape.

Suburgatory: Season Premiere

Welcome back to Chatswin, y'all! When we last left, Tessa was off to NY and met her grandmother. Noah was about to have his baby via Eden, who broke it off with George. Dallas was divorced. Lisa found out that her brother Ryan is adopted. Let's see what's new!

We start off with Tessa coming back from NYC on train. She spent her summer living with her grandmother, learning about her mother, partying it up and having the best time. She comes home wearing her jacket and wanting to learn how to sing like her. George is less than pleased. Tessa decides to sign up for the Fall Follies to portray her new found talent. She gets the guitar from George and finally sings the song her mother wrote, which turned out to be the theme song of the show. She did a great job!

Lisa has been blackmailing her mother with knowledge of Ryan's adoption. She gets the lead in the Follies, which consists of singing one line out of a garbage can. Her mother shows her the baby picture of Ryan with abs. She then realizes that Lisa has no power. If Ryan leaves, she will be stuck with her mother. Ryan does the solo in the cat outfit in the end. No talk of her and Malik though. I wonder what happened in macrame camp!

Noah and Dallas have been fighting over Carmen. Noah wants her to watch his new baby, which was hung up on a hanger at the club in his Bjorn and also wears identical outfits to Noah every time we see him. Dallas wants Carmen in her house to take care of her and Dalia. Dalias has the funniest lines when she is like GOODBYE CARMEN. GOODBYE FOREVER CARMEN. She then realizes she will miss her and tells Tessa the importance of a nanny. Which includes nannies ordering from restaurants for you. They do rock paper scissors for her and Noah wins.

I remember why I heart this show. Dahlia kills it every time!

*All photos from abc.com

Suburgatory: Season Finale

This was a mother's day themed episode and aptly so. In Chatswin, Mother's day is like princess day. Sheila Shay got carried around like Cinderella. All the mother's also run a 5K, which Dallas, wanted to wear her gold sneakers for. Dalia left to go to Israel with her father, so Dallas ran the race and broke her foot. While recovering, Yiccult spoke to her. It was hysterical. I think it was Whoopi speaking! Tess went to see her and was hurt that all Dallas wanted was her own daughter.

from abc.com

Meanwhile, Lisa discovers she is Sheila's daughter. After a huge mother's day thing, where we learn that Sheila Shay dated James Ingram and she keeps pints of their family blood in the downstairs freezer, we also learn that Ryan is adopted. His blood is OPos, which means he could not be a Shay.

It is time for Eden's baby shower which is jungle themed. They have live dancers in animal costumes. She is appalled. Their nursery theme is also jungle, which has an elephant tooth crib, real guns on the wall and snake skin walls! Creepy, but very arty! She also wants to have sex with George and it is weird for them. She goes into false labor from all the stress of this baby shower and nursery. Tessa also gets rejected from the internship.

from abc.com

While driving home, Tessa starts to think about her own mother. Eden and her talked about it earlier and Tessa has never thought about her until now. She cries in the car ride thinking her mom doesn't think about her either. When she gets home, her grandmother is there and she sees her for the first time. What an ending!

And this show will be back next season!

Suburgatory: NYC Internship

Tessa is adjusting to Eden living there. She makes herself and George toaster strudels and Eden tries to convince him to eat live chia and something else by making voices. He eats both, gross. Eden also wants them to stop using the internet, since it may cause the baby to be infertile one day! Noah has some annoying visits with Eden and talks to her belly for 3 hours.

from abc.com

Malik and Lisa are deciding how to spend their summer. She wants to to go Macrame camp and he wants to go to sports camp. They try each other's passions on and he is awesome at Macrame. He makes a macrame suit and they decide to go to camp together. She is still on the quest to see if she is a real Shay.

from abc.com

Tessa decides she wants an internship in NYC at the village voice. Eden helps her by suggesting she should drop it off in person and takes her to the train. George is pissed that she made a decision without him. Tessa gets to the paper and leaves it with some guy and tells him how fab he is and he might be interested. When they get home, he tells Eden she should have some say, and she says why not let Tessa commute. This way she gets the city but has to come home, neither are happy with this!

George goes to see Dallas. She is upset because Dalia's pet kangaroo is terrorizing her house and stealing things. He tells her they are like Molder and Skully and she then rents all of them and starts screaming at the TV "Kiss her!" Aww. I hope they get together!

Suburgatory: Eden Moves In

I have to say that I saw Clueless this weekend and Jeremy Sisto looks completely different now that he is older. I love the matching of them two now. Let's begin!

Things are going swimmingly with Eden and George, except for Noah. He doesn't want George getting intimate with her. He reminds him of blood and baby bones. He makes him sign a contract saying that he wont touch her while she is pregnant. Sheila Shay gets involved and tells Jill that maybe Noah is interested in Eden. They all have this awkward sonogram moments and Eden flips out when she finds out that Noah wont let George touch her.

from abc.com

Lisa thinks that she was adopted. She finds an old tape about her parents looking for a surrogate/adoptive parents. In the end she takes a swab of her mother's saliva to see if they are really related.

Tessa is doing really well at her job. Dallas promotes her and gives her more money. She turns into Dallas and wears fancy clothes, buys fancy bags and has a manicurist come to her room. George doest like any of this and wants her to meet Eden and spend time with her. At the end, Eden moves in with them to get away from the craziness. Tessa is in for it now. And poor Dallas, never cuts a break!

from abc.com

Suburgatory: Enter Eden

We start off with the farmer's market where George meets Clueless alum, Alicia Silverstone, aka Eden. He is infatuated with her and even drops the word "clueless" LOVE! She buys him a healthy, organic shake with extra bee pollen, where as his throat closes up and he has an allergic reaction. She takes him to the hospital, they have cute flirting and he kisses her.

He tells Noah that he wants to have a double date and for them to meet. Noah tells him that Jill is expecting and they rejoice. During dinner they agree to meet and Jill orders a scotch. George is confused, but they later find out that they are using a surrogate. The surrogate happens to be Eden and the whole dinner is awkward for everyone. George breaks it off with Eden, because he is weirded out by Noah's child being inside of her.

from abc.com

Meanwhile, Yiccoult has gone missing. After viewing the video tapes in their house (Steven had them installed to make sure everyone takes their shoes off), they see Dahlia sweeping little Yiccoult outside. She was sweeping to show her mom that she can sweep too, just like Tessa does at the crystal emporium. Lisa even goes there to buy crystal tears for Malik's anniversary.

Mr Wolf and his gay lover decide to get a pet. He finds Yiccoult and makes it their gay dog and names him Hanson. They dress in matching sweaters. When Tess shows him the missing poster, he gets a scared look. Her and Dahlia follow him to East Chatswin and do a crazy chase to get Yiccoult back. They finally get him and Mr Wolf and his gay lover are ok. They bring Yiccoult back and Dallas is super happy. She doesn't understand why Yiccoult was posing as a gay dog.

from abc.com

George decides to give it a shot with Eden. He is a bit unhappy about the pregnancy thing, but I guess she will be on the show again. Excited to see more Silverstone?

Suburgatory: The Third Wheel

Lisa and her mother are at her doctor's appointment on the tiny dinosaur bed. Something is wrong with her, her eating and sleeping habits are off, but apparently her poop is ok. Doc asks mom to step out and we learn that Lisa is in love. She tells her mom about who it is and mom has Malik over for dinner. She compares him to every black actor she knows and Obama! She is happy that Lisa finally has a boyfriend and wants to ensure he will keep coming around. Cray Cray Shay.

Meanwhile, Noah and George are eating at the club and they run into Dallas. She goes on and on about her tweeting (hashtag mid tweet) and getting grills for Yiccoult. George is worried about her, but she says she is fine and Dahlia is in therapy. She has her divorce papers laminated even. So clean she could eat off them and she did! George invites her to come mattress shopping with him and Noah. While she is there she breaks down about her divorce and wants to lay in the mattress till after closing. Noah and the store manager leave, but George consoles her. He has been there and has been depressed and tells her she needs to pull it together for her daughter. I was hoping they would kiss, but that did not happen.

from abc.com

Meanwhile, Dahlia is at therapy and realizes the root of her problem is the dog Yiccoult. Super funny scene where the therapist yells at the dog to listen to Dahlia, Haha. She gets Noah to buy her a Kangaroo from a movie and has her mom there to help her. Its not her fault her dad moved out. Dallas tells the maid to back off and helps be a mom again.

Tessas has become a third wheel with Lisa and Malik. They are eating all sexy and she needs to get out of there. They try to pawn her off on Evan so that she has a date, but she doesn't like that. Ryan Shay comes over and sees Tessa in breakfast food PJS and eating butter. Ryan Shay asks her out to keep her company and she enjoys that. But weirdly, he asks to touch her boob at the end of the date and she obliges. Strange, but hoping that maybe Tessa and him might end up together!

from abc.com

Suburgatory: Dallas' Sorority Sisters

This episode was more of an insight into who the characters were before Chatswin. Let's read on....

Dallas' new crystal emporium is due to open soon. She even has a huge sculpture of Joy Behar that she speaks to. Yiccoult barks and convinces her to invite her sorority sisters down for the opening and to stay with her. Dalia is enjoying a present a day from the divorce. Today she got a motorcycle jacket and a motorcycle. Dallas' maid is setting up her sleeping bags. She invited all of her old sorority sisters except one who was a slut.

The girls get there and they are all African American. They are all dancing around her house in sweatsuits and talking about her divorce to Steven and how the girl he cheated on her with wore an M/L undies. Why are all the girls African American? Is this some funny play on Dallas that she joined an all black sorority? It is hysterical though. The one girl they did not invite, shows up regardless. Her husband died 5 years ago and is trying to play off sympathy from the other girls. Tulsa, who is played brilliantly by Robin Givens tries to steal the show.

from abc.com

Meanwhile, George is hours late from picking Tessa up from school. She argues why she cannot have a car. He tells her to get a job and buy her own wheels. She sees the crystal help wanted sign in the door of Dallas' store and asks to work there after trying to run. A bird poops on her. She gives her the job, a signing bonus, an advance and a healthy salary. She has just enough money to buy a scooter she saw on Craigslist in East Chatswin. She goes with Lisa there, but worries that Malik the big mouth will tell. When they get there, there is a shirtless ponytail guy named Lucian. They buy the scooter sans gas and have to push it the whole way home. Lisa however, pushed her into the shirtless guy when she felt endangered.

George went to see Rex Lee, the guidance counselor, to see what has been going on in Tessa's life. He sees the poem she wrote about her mother and gets nervous that she wants to see her. He contacts his mother in law about his missing wife Alex. Once his wife decided to abandon them, he took sole custody of Tessa. The grandmother reconsiders letting her back into her life.

Back at the opening, Dallas and her friends are there. Tulsa makes some snarky comments about how she has redefined her body and she is no longer an M/L. Uh oh. was she sleeping with Steven as well? How horrible. She leaves her own opening with George to go find Tessa. He finds her and tells her she cannot have a scooter and asks if she is OK and wants to see her mom. She tells her she doesn't care about her and they squash it.

Meanwhile, they see Dalia on her bike getting gas. They tell Dallas and she asks Dalia why she was riding her motorcycle. She tells Dallas they are liars and that so is the maid, haha. I love Dalia. We need more of her. Dallas tells her she always has her back. Cute hug moment. She says she wants a hangover monkey and writes it to her dad. Ah hahaha.

When will George and Dallas get together and make this awkward suburban brady bunch already?!

Suburgatory: Poetry Class

All is right in Chatswin...

Tessa starts off by telling us about how Croquet is the 5th season in Chatswin. Dahlia has been bringing around these random strangers to the be her partner against the Shays. They are less than happy. Meanwhile, Fred reads Sheila's diary about her dream about George being covered in oil and complimenting her parenting and then kissing her like a French man. ew. Sheila asks George to be Dahlia's croquet partner. She sexily tries to teach him to shoot, with the shaft and all. Fred gets jealous and tries to put dirt on him to emulate George's goatee. George and Dahlia beat them. They might rekindle their love. Sheila tells Fred that George in her diary was the anchor man.

Tessa is in love with this bad ass poetry teacher Mrs. Evans. She has dark hair and a tattoo. She tries to get her to love her poetry too, but she is unsuccessful. She loves Dahlia's. Dahlia says random car names and boom, its amazing. Tessa writes about her mother leaving her and that doesn't even make her care. She calls her poems pathetic. She asks Dahlia to tutor Tessa in poetry. Dahlia tells her that she writes by whatever comes into her mind after she empties it. Tessa realizes she doesn't need to make Mrs. Evans like her.

from abc.com

Nothing to mind shattering here. We end with Dallas coming over with a personalized croquet ball carrier for George, combining their names like brangelina, except Georgas. This could be a beautiful partnership. Will they just get together already?

Suburgatory: Fire with Fire

Tessa talks about how all trends start in Chatswin. This is foreshadowing of what is to come.

Noah's wife, whom we have never seen until now, goes into the shower and gets knocked in the face with the shower head. A bleeding wife tells Noah that he should have fixed this weeks ago. He says he will and puts a note on it saying broken. She goes to use the shower again and it basically knocks her unconscious. She is rushed to the hospital and she runs into Dallas there. Dallas tells her she just got a boob job, collagen, low lights and a gelicure. Gosh I love her. She has never been nice to Jill before, but she raves about her divorce changing her attitude on things. Jill decides that she will follow the trend and have the same thing as Dallas.

Over at the cafe, side braids are the thing. Dahlia has one in and then waves to Lisa. She calls out her name, Lisa Shay HI. Lisa stands up and waves like a fool and she plays nice with Dahlia. Tessa knows she is only being nice to her to hurt her about Scott Strauss. Dahlia even invites Lisa to have lunch with her Kimantha and the thin twins. Lisa is in mean girl heaven and she happily accepts. Dahlia even goes over to Lisa's house to hang out with her, just so Tessa sees them walk away. Sheila Shay is upset that it is happening!

Over at Dahlia's she gives Lisa a makeover and makes her look more like her with fake eyelashes to boot. She tells her it hurts because Lisa's eyeballs are so big. Haha. I need more Dahlia-isms in my life. Lisa goes to the dance with Dahlia and her friends, and tells Tessa that she doesn't care why she is being nice, but she wants her way in. Lisa even stands up Malik at dance class to hang with Dahlia.

Dallas is in her crystal emporium store with her new boyfriend, Yanni (Fex from that 70's show, remember him? He dated Li-Lo). He tells her that wearing white makes her aura better and they make out. George is unapproving and there becomes a battle with little Yicoult to see who he will go with. Yicoult ends up listening to George and goes back to this doggy bed. Haha.

Jill leaves Noah and moves in with Dallas. George and Noah go out with three buttons unbuttoned and a ton of chest hair showing trying to get girls to notice them. Dallas and Jill are there with Yanni as George watches Dallas make out with him. George convinces Noah that he needs to profess his love to Jill, because they belong together. He rides up on a horse to Dallas' house and asks Jill to ride away with him and make him a sandwich. They end up getting side swiped and Noah rides off into a stretcher. haha.

Tessa has a plan to get Lisa back. She writes a note to Kimantha and invites her over. They talk about how Kimantha hates Lisa and how they need to get her back. Kimantha must dress in hideous clothes and do this coordinated dance with Malik to make Lisa jealous. It works. She pushes Kimantha out of the way and dances with Malik.

from abc.com

Tess confronts Dahlia and tells her she has broken up with Scott Strauss and this must be over. Dahlia agrees but tells her how she will win when their parents get married and she is the more favorite daughter. I knew I loved Dahlia. She cannot wait until they get together either! She explains how hard the dance is for her since her ex is there. Small cameo by Mike Sorrentino "the situation" as he DJS the dance. I am a little dissapointed as I thought he would have more of a part in this.

from abc.com

Tessa spies Lisa and Malik walking home as they awkwardly kiss goodbye. She is happy about this. Nerd love!

Suburgatory: The Body

Ryan Shay is like a wrestling legend at Chatswin. They call him the body and every time he wrestles and wins, the Shays have some weird rituals. They wont Lisa eat until Ryan gets there and they always cook his favorite meal, which is mostly something marinara.

Tessa is appalled at how this school only focuses on gym. She is going to get an F in gym because she wont spike a volleyball. The student body president steps down so Dahlia becomes the campaign manager to Katelyn and Kenzie or the "thin twins" who want to make gym a double period and lessen our academics. Tessa hates this idea so she offers to run and make school the priority. Lisa is her campaign manager.

Ryan hurts himself in the next wrestling match and he is basically shunned from the Shays. They have a mini funeral for him and are starting to be nicer to Lisa since she may help Tessa win her campaign and get her fave meal of tuna and shells. He turns to George to help him get better, since George has grown a garden of one single flower and helps to nurture it to grow.

Dallas is getting divorced and wants super white teeth. Noah tries to convince her otherwise, which is really a metaphor for not divorcing Steven. She takes the super white teeth and rocks the divorce. Now, if she would only date George, my heart would swell!

It's time for the debate and the first question is "Why you so fly?" seriously? This makes suburban schools look so vapid. The thin twins answer with a song they wrote for Ryan the body. Tessa gets so mad she tells them all off and how school should be more important and that Ryan is not a hero, he is a jock. Evan, the school nerd, is the hero because he aced his PSATS. The school calls Tessa a racist against jocks. She says that's not a race, but Lisa is determined to get her tuna and shells. Tessa drops out and lets the thin twins win if they promise to let Lisa be their campaign manager.

from abc.com

George's one flower grows and Ryan gets out of his wheelchair and fights through the pain of his torn ACL. He steps on George's flower and ends up winning the next match. Tessa tries to compete at volleyball and asks the super tall girl next to her to teach her how to spike and she will in turn do her homework. The girl says she already gets straight A's and Tessa feels like maybe jocks can be smart, some of them.

Ryan goes to have his victory dinner and it turns out he chose tuna and shells to make his sister happy. She eats them solemnly. Cute episode, but not enough Dahlia or Dallas. I need to see more of them, they make me belly laugh. Who is your favorite character?

Suburgatory: The Goat

Still one of my favorite 30 minute comedies, read on to find out why.

We start off with Tessa trying to make Dahlia and her friends jealous by kissing boyfriend Scott Strauss in the hallways. Although I feel like eventually her and Dahlia will have to live under the same roof, for now she can be frenemies with her.

from tvguide.com

George is still concerned about the XXL condoms he found in her room. Um, why would she need XXL? Weird. He decides to invite her friends over with game night so that she will think that is more fun than sex. Yeah ok George. Malik and Lisa come over and Tessa comes home saying she cannot stay, she has dinner plans with Scott. Malik and Lisa stay anyway and entertain George and his questions. We see that Malik has a crush on Lisa and she tells George about this virginity calculator. Apparently it goes by weight, height, age and hair length. He plugs in Tessa's stats and realizes he will need to cut her hair to get her older than 16 to lose it. haha.

During Tessa's date she realizes she doesn't like Scott as much as she had thought. All he does is talk about Africa. Even over ice-cream he says its hard to enjoy when other people are starving. I mean, come on. She kisses him anyway because Dahlia and her friends come in. They yell at her to get a room.

Dahlia gets her dry cleaning picked up and makes sure to check all the pockets. She finds a pair of thongs in M/L size. She goes crazy because she keeps her body tight and Steven is sleeping with a heffer. She sees her lawyer and lets him know what is going on. He tells her that Steven is a good provider so she needs to think about that before she divorces him.

She tells George she is going to sleep at Lisa's and he starts in on her about the condoms. She tells him that talking to her is a privilege and not a demand and she storms out. While having breakfast with the Shay's at the club, George and her have another run in. Dallas tells them that Steven is cheating on her with a heffer and she is off to the gym. Tessa says she wants to work out with her. Fast forward to some funny scenes. First they are spinning, then Zumba, then throwing a ball back and forth talking about their problems. Dallas changes outfits each time and she is hysterical.

from tvguide.com

Tessa goes to break up with Scott and he has set up a tent with a goat which is an offering for her father to sleep with her. She ends up breaking up with him and bringing back the goat to George. She tells him he was wrong and they broke up. Meanwhile, Noah tells George to act like a dude and not a dad. He then sleeps with the waitress from the club. She walks out all disheveled and Tessa catches her. She mentions to George that was not love. He then has a funny run in with the waitress after he never called her back.

Back at Dallas' house she is so mad that Steve has a no shoes policy, she rips it off the wall and puts on her 6 inch stilettos. She wears a sparkly dress and stomps all over the floor in her heels as dog Yicoult is looking on. Then she starts dancing and singing to Kelly Clarkson's Stronger. I was dying. I love this song, I love Dallas and I love that she was dancing to it. In walks Dahlia and she says "Mommy, are you and daddy getting divorced?"

Back at school, Kimantha and Kendra are super jealous that Dahlia's parents are getting divorced. Now that she will have two houses, two holidays and two of everything. Only in Chatswin, Tessa notes, that someone would be jealous of this.

Now, we can finally see George and Dallas getting together and blending these two families? How great would that be?

Suburgatory: Atlantic City

George wins this raffle for a trip to Atlantic City. He invites Noah. Fred Shay invites himself and so do the non gay twin husbands. George warns Tessa not to have any parties. She takes this as an opportunity to invite over her new boyfriend Scott. Lisa brings her the love box to help.

George asks Dahlia to watch Tessa. She says they are friends and refused to spy, but will ask her to hang. When Scott gets there, Tessa basically throws herself at him and he denies her. He wants to wait and take it slow. He said maybe before he went to Africa he would have thought about it, but not now.

Meanwhile, George is out with the boys before he learns that Fred has a gambling problem. Now he has to watch him and make sure he doesn't lose it. While they are out to lunch they spot Dallas' husband out with another girl. He tells George to lie for him and say he really is in Singapore. They hire these two strippers to their room, but Fred knows that his wife can sense when anything happens. He will know he is not spending time with his dying aunt, but that he really won $14,000.

from abc.com

Back at home, George realizes that even though Tess had a guy over he can still trust her. That is, until he sees the love box and realizes that in the city or the suburbs, she will still have sex and freaks out.

Could this be it? Could we finally see George and Dallas get together? Fingers and toes crossed!

Jumping to conclusions in Suburbia

Happy to see my favorite 30 minute comedy back on track for the new year.

Tessa is starting to get used to the suburbs when she starts to love the water pressure. Which I have to agree. City water pressure is not so great. Just as she is all lathered up the water shuts off. Her and dad George both are soapy and in towels as the doorbell rings. Its the Shays, who first comment on George's hot bod and then say how a hydrant burst on their lawn.

Tessa is chosen at school to show the new kid around. Although he is not a student, he is an undercover narc looking for steroid sellers. The guidance counselor, Mr. Wolfe (Rex Lee) has a whole scene where he pretends he is not gay and has a hot girlfriend. She shows him around and because of the new kid's interest in hot football  men, she assumes he is gay. She says things about how her gaydar is spot on and tries to tell him that even though he is interested in the Shay boy, he is not gay and he should move on to the quarterback.

from abc.com

Lisa Shay is desperately in love with the new guy and tries to turn him. Or so she thinks. She butches it up in order to win his affections, but no avail. New guy ends up busting the quarterback for possession and for selling steroids and Tessa realizes her gaydar is broken. Mr. Wolfe ends up coming out of the closet in the end professing his love for deep Vnecks.

Dahlia doesn't disappoint. She meets the new guy and asks in front of his face who the new loser is. Love her. She then admits that laxatives are not illegal as the Narc busts the quarterback. I swear, I want to bottle her.

Meanwhile, Dallas asks George to help her renovate a space she wants to open a die cut crystal store. Not sure the idea is well, but I love her too. George thinks she is flirting with him after the kiss on Christmas. She eats a banana funny in front of him and asks him to feel her melons at the supermarket. When he confronts her about it, she tells him the kiss was for Steven. To get him back and she wants to be a brand new girl, entrepreneur and fabulous. I am hoping that they get together regardless. George cant fight it for very long!

Please, put more Dahlia in!

Driving Miss Dahlia

Excited to see this 30min gem back on my TV screen. Let's dig in!

It starts off with the infamous driver's test. Tessa and Dahlia are both trying to get their license. The difference is, this is Tessa's first time and Dahlia's 6th. Tessa of course rocks her test, even puts on some jazz music to sway her instructor. Dahlia fails and crashes into someone, forcing her to wear a jeweled neck brace.

She asks Tessa to drive her around and is offering to pay her $100. She asks her to stalk a recent grad, Scott Strauss, whom Dahlia has been in love with forever. Dahlia always makes me laugh and she tells her to keep driving and circling, driving and circling. Tessa gets so nervous by all of this stalking she crashes into Scott Strauss' Audi A6.

from daemonstv.com

He gets out and actually tries to pick Tessa up. Tessa tells him that he has to make Dahlia his new girlfriend and she is her driver. He agrees to a date with Dahlia, because he wants to get closer to Tessa. They end up going on a date together as well and she realizes he may be the man of her dreams. He spent a few months in Zambia (which Dahlia calls the drug that makes you go diarrhea) to feed orphans. Tessa may have found her soul mate!

Meanwhile, George has been using Noah's guest pass at the country club and taking steams with old man Marty. His guest pass has run out, so he asks Noah to sponsor him to become a member. Noah begins to get weird about it, so George confronts him in the steam room where apparently Mr. Shay is buck naked as they blur his privates. They all get into some huge naked fight after George calls him a baby and Marty takes a swing, George ends up with a black eye. Noah apologizes and ends up putting George on his own account as family, since they are basically brothers. He realizes that the ding he recieved against him is probably from the waitress who is in love with him. There is a rule that no staff can date members.

Tessa goes over to Dahlia's and confronts her about the Scott situation as Dahlia is making a posterboard of her and Scott's faux-lationship. They tell each other its war and who knows where the next episode will lead us.

Don't you just love Dahlia and Dallas?

Christmas in Suburbia

Tessa is giving George the ice treatment for cheating on her with NYC. He then breaks up with Zoe via skype and blames it on Tessa. I had this feeling all along that he really didn't like her and used Tessa as an excuse. She feels really bad because he plays it up that he is sad by saying he wont even eat tuna because it reminds him of Zoe.

George takes a wreath making class with LLOYD. (He will always be Lloyd from Entourage to me) because he is interested in the non-complicated art teacher Amy. He asks her over to trim the tree and then tries not to make it obvious by saying everyone is coming.

Over at the Royce house, Dallas is so excited to get a gift from George. They are a pair of red mittens which she tells herself are significant because of some story she told him about red mittens when she was a kid. Little does she know, or we find out later that he gave them to all his party guests. I still got to see Dahlia yelling at Yicoult the dog to stay out of her room, bahaha. I love it!

Tessa asks Lisa what to get dad to make up for his heartache. Lisa tells her that they make gifts for each other and she hates it, because she really wants clothes. Tessa decides to skype Zoe and give her dad the gift of love for Christmas by inviting her to the party to be with George.

They throw a huge party over at their house just so he can spend time with Amy. Little does he know Zoe is at the door. Lisa is outside standing watch (not wearing a coat to protest mom, because its across the street) and Zoe comes in like a hurricane, looking great in a sparkly dress (I am totally into sparkly dresses lately). George makes Noah break up with Zoe. He says he always dates the crazy girls. Noah begins to do so and Zoe ends up thinking that Noah is into her and gets mad when he tells he is married.

from wordpress.com

Dallas shows up because her flight is cancelled and to thank George for the mittens. She then kisses him, long and hard. My heart swells. I am so excited!! Amy witnesses him kiss Zoe and then Dallas and then flips out on him and is not as uncomplicated as he once thought.

This show just gets better... doesn't it?